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{ 30 Dec 08 }
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This morning we got a call from a reporter at the Cape Cod Times asking us if many of our couples were still following the age-old tradition of the groom-to-be asking his perspective father-in-law for his daughter’s hand in marriage. While this conversation doesn’t always come up with our couples, sometimes it does and every time we ask the groom if he asked for Dad’s blessing, the answer has always been, “Yes.”
I’m not sure I was really all that surprised to learn this, even though today’s weddings aren’t nearly as traditional as they once were. But, I will say, I love knowing that guys are still asking. I’m not at all a traditional kind of person, but I just love the gesture that these young men make in gathering the courage to have that conversation.
Personally, Andy & I didn’t follow any of the typical wedding traditions when we got married. Our ceremony & reception were held at Bourne Farm in Falmouth, which is this gorgeous property overlooking a pond, with grapevines in the summer and a pumpkin patch in the fall and marking the property lines are miles of hand-made stone walls. It’s got a very laid-back country kind of feeling, definitely not a church. We didn’t have a formal bridal party. My sisters walked down the aisle, which was really just a dirt path, each of them arm in arm with my dad. Andy’s parents walked down with his brother and Andy & I followed behind walking arm and arm together.
Despite our lack of tradition, one thing Andy did do was ask my dad for his blessing as he prepared to ask me to marry him. And, I was so happy to hear that he had done that. It was kind of silly, considering we’d been living together for 5 years when he asked and I was always certain that my dad was very happy about our commitment to one another and our desire to spend our lives together. But, I thought it was such a sweet and respectful gesture on Andy’s part. I think my dad liked it too, even though he had long been sold on Andy being a part of the family. At one point, he jokingly threatened that if we ever broke up, Andy would still be welcome, but me he’d have to think about.
Anyway, this reporter’s question has got me wondering about what other couples have done when it comes to this question of tradition. And we’d especially like to hear from our grooms….Did you ask your sweetie’s dad for her hand in marriage before popping the question? And, if so, what was your reasoning for doing so and what did her dad say? And if you decided to forego that particular tradition, we’d like to hear about that too. Why didn’t you ask and was everyone cool with that?
Please share your experiences with us…we’ve heard some of your stories already during our meetings, but it might be fun for our blog readers to hear too!
Cheers, Chris & Andy
PS. We weren’t exactly stoked about our wedding photos (that’s a long story for another day). They’ve been stuffed in a box somewhere in the basement (FYI…not a good place to store photographs. Humidity is a killer). I couldn’t find the box today, but, when I do, I’ll post a photo of us walking down the aisle!
Here it is…
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Sandee and Matt :
Matt asked Sandee's father. Here is the funny part - we are way more traditional than they are (they were both hippies in the 70's - mom was a singer in a Carole-King-esque band and dad was a James-Taylor-esque guitar player with his Mary Jane buddies). So, I think Dave (father) was extremely suprised, and very touched, by the gesture. Since they live across the country, it had to be a phone call, but that was okay. It was a great story and Dave still likes to tell it today ~ he thought it was so sweet!
When my parents came to visit shortly after the engagement, they drove up to my condo and I was waiting outside for them. They got out of the car, and my father was like, "Hey, where's my favorite guy!?!" Silly me thinking he just wanted to see ME outside! The name stuck, and now Matt is officially "Favorite Guy."
And, like Chris' dad, my entire family is in love with Matt. My grandfather always makes sure to let me know that "he's a GREAT guy, you know." I think he is a bit worried that I'm not sure how well I did ~ but I am very sure!!
Sarah :
Parke asked my parents, too. He was having my ring made in NYC and originally planned to drive down to New York City from Maine (where we live) to pick it up and take my parents out for dinner and ask their permission. He devised this whole white lie that he had to be in CT for business and wanted to come into the city and have dinner with them at the end of the day. Well, when he called them a few weeks in advance to ask what night might be convenient for them, they made a big fuss about how it really didn't make sense for him to come into NYC from CT and that he should really get back on the road and come home and not add any extra driving late at night, etc. So, feeling somewhat discouraged that they unknowingly foiled his plans, he ended up asking them at Thanksgiving, which was a week before when he would have been in NYC to get the ring. Of course, they were over the moon (and still are) and felt horribly that they'd discouraged him from coming to NY when they realized what his intentions were. The funniest part is that I actually walked in on them as they were having the conversation and had NO idea what was going on!
McCall :
It's so great to see a picture of you guys on your wedding day! You both look so happy. We want more ;)
Melisa Donato :
First and foremost, I LOVE SEEING YOUR WEDDING PICTURE (and yes, you have told me the story behind it)!
To the question at hand, Tony asked my mother for her blessing (dad's been out of the picture a long time). After the fact, I was absolutely touched that he did that (he did it at a family dinner while my twin sister dragged me upstairs "to look at something"). Later I asked him why he felt the urge to do it, and he said he would have asked me to marry him no matter what she said, but it was more to pay respect to her as the matriarch of my family.
Aaaaaaaawwwwwww.....
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